Life Lately

I’ve been struggling lately on what sort of blog posts to do. I started this as a way to raise awareness about my memory loss & blackouts so I try my best to stick to the subject in all posts which can make it difficult to blog if i haven’t blacked out much! So I thought I’d give an update on the past couple of weeks.

So, life recently has been pretty average tbh.

As you’ll know if you read one of my recent posts – ’10 Days Black Out Free’, I was on a roll with not passing out. I went something like 12 days black out free in the end which is easily a record because it was getting to a point where I was blacking out on average at least once a week so the 12 day streak of being black out free came as a surpise! I got so excited but at the same time tried not to get my hopes up too much as I knew that a black out would be just around the corner. And it was! Boo!

I worked my 10 days of early shifts and it actually went better than I thought. I was overly careful and took painkillers when I needed them instead of trying to be big boll*x and soldier on without them. I went to Thorpe Park with a group of friends and it was an amazing day. The sun was shining, I was with my other half and some great friends, we laughed til our tummies hurt and made as much noise as possible on every rollercoaster!

 

After that weekend when my partner and I came home, we were both clearly tired and I just knew that a black out was on it’s way! I passed out on the Sunday and Monday but can’t really remember them ones. And I also passed out the Tuesday. My partner went off to work as usual and because she had the car with her she thought she would come home on her break to surprise me but clearly I had my own surprise for her! She came in and found me passed out on the bed. I had completely forgotten the weekend at Thorpe Park and I was gutted. I felt really low and agitated and I was supposed to go in to work to cover a shift that day but my partner had to call and inform them that I wouldn’t be able to.

I think I’ve pretty much caught up with most of my memory now and I’ve been back to work.

I’ve also finished reading the book that was suggested to me by the last Dr I saw at the JR. It’s called ‘It’s All In Your Head’. I was very dubious about reading this book for obvious reasons. But never the less, I’ve read it. I’m still not sure what I think about it but I have learnt a few things from it. I’m not sure if I will do a review on the book exactly but I may do a blog post on some of the things that I did learn from it.

My partner and I also went to watch ‘Mrs Browns Boys’ live and if you are a fan of the programme then I would definitely suggest going to see it live! We went over to Birmingham early on the train as the sun was out so we visited a few beer gardens and sat catching some rays!

 The show started at 19:30 I spent pretty much the whole 3 hours of it laughing! I love it when they mess lines up or make each other laugh and just play off it and carry on like it was supposed to happen, it’s great, it really adds to the funny side of it. The only thing was that we forgot to check what time the last train back from Birmingham was and it’s safe to say that we were going to miss it if we wanted to stay and watch the whole show! BUT, luckily, my lil sis was also in Birmingham at a gig and my mum had driven her there and was taking her home so, once again, momma bear came to the rescue and we got a lift home!

So, all in all, I’ve had a pretty decent couple of weeks. The weather has been nice to us, I blacked out less than usual, visited friends, went to a theme park, and went to see a live show! And if you read ‘A Bucket List For April’ you will see that this means I completed a fair few things on it already! Hehe.

Thank Your for reading and I hope your last couple of weeks were as good, if not better, than mine 🙂

#Forgetfulblogger

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Just Another Appointment?

#forgetfulblogger

20/02/17 I had an appointment at the JR in Neuroscience. I already had it in my head that it was a waste of time being there. Just another appointment with no answers. Luckily i don’t suffer from what some may call “White Coat Syndrome“, if im honest, i didn’t even know what this was until someone asked me about it. And if you are also unaware of this it means- People with this syndrome exhibit a blood pressure level above their normal range in clinical setting (Dr’s surgeries and hospitals). The term white coat comes from references to the white coats traditionally worn by Dr’s. So, luckily I don’t have a fear of hospitals or white coats! I just don’t have much faith in them at the moment.

My name was called to enter the Drs office. He was a very polite man (not wearing a white coat though!), introduced himself to my partner and I ‘Nice to meet you’ he said.

He asked what my understanding of this appointment with him was ‘I have no idea if I’m honest’. He said that was ok and asked me to give a brief description as to what has been going on since May. I tried to make it as brief as possible but he kept asking me more questions so I’d go into a little more depth about it all so this “brief description” ended up taking about 35mins! 

He started to focus on the fact that I have quite a high level of anxiety and was asking about previous counselling sessions I’d had for my anger and anxiety. It was then that I started to get an understanding for what this appointment was all about… It was basically another damn counselling session! My partner had to take a day off work and drive me to Oxford for a counselling session!? Once I’d got this into my mind I felt a little annoyed but I tried my best to stay focused and answer all of his questions. 

Hands starting to sweat as I rub them together and jiggle my legs whilst stutterin as I become more and more anxious with all attention being on me – ‘How was your childhood?‘, ‘What sort of cancer did your mother have‘, ‘do you have any siblings?‘, ‘what we’re your previous counselling sessions like?‘, ‘How old were you when your father left?‘. He even drew up a rough drawing of my family tree! This guy now knows more about me than most of my friends and family do. I’m starting to feel a little uneasy, I’m not very good at letting my gaurd down and explaining how I felt during what could be described as tough times from the past.

I started to realise where he was going with all of this. He was about to blame all of these blackouts and the memoryloss on my anxiety! Man was I right! So I’m feeling a little knocked down by this approach. I’ve always said that many Drs will just give you a random diagnosis just so you feel you have an explanation as to what is happening to you even if it isn’t precise. And now this guy had just proved my point.

Yes, I understand that my anxiety probably doesn’t help, but now this Dr has made me feel like it’s all in my head! As if I don’t feel crazy enough when I come round after passing out and I’m convinced everyone else is wrong about the day and time!

‘Now, don’t feel like I’m telling you it’s all in your head because it’s not, it’s very much real’. What!? ‘Do you like reading?’ He asked. Well I’d never read a full book until recently, but now I love reading books on psychology and how the brain works. ‘Perfect, I’ve got a book that you may enjoy, it’s called – It’s All In Your Head by Suzanne O’Sullivan. Is this man for real? One minute he’s telling me it’s not in my head and the next, he wants me to read a book about it being in my head! Well, I’ve ordered the book but I’m not sure whether I should read it as it may just wind me up even more! But if I do get round to reading it I will make a blog of my review 👍

I came away from this appointment feeling quite let down in a way. I understand that he was trying to help and see it from a different point of view but I couldn’t get those words out of my mind “It’s all in your head“. But he’s the Dr, right? So he should know best. And he feels that the stress my anxiety is giving me may be a cause to my headaches as I tend to overthink things and wind myself up, putting myself under stress that could be avoided. 

At the moment I’m willing to give anything a go to try and get this all to end or even calm right down. So he has prescribed me some new medication, it’s something that people with epilepsy take to calm them down apparently. He’s also going to sign me up to a group session to talk about my anxiety. I said I’d try my best to attend but, ironically, I have anxiety so I’m not exactly a huge fan of socialising, especially when it means sitting in a group of people I don’t know! 

So at the moment that appointment seems pointless, just like the rest. But who knows, maybe if I can get my anxiety under control, it will stop the headaches, which in theory should stop me from passing out. I’m willing to give it a go but I don’t have too much faith in it all at the moment. Keep your fingers crossed for me! And if you have anymore questions about this appointment then please feel free to contact me 🙂 

#forgetfulblogger