Memory Loss Isn’t Something You Can See

 

#Forgetfulblogger

Just like depression, anxiety and other illnesses on the inside – You can’t see memory loss. People that I walk past in the street probably have no idea that I suffer from memory loss as well as anxiety and depression. They have no idea that it sends my anxiety through the roof as it makes me over think everything so much more and become even more paranoid which then gets me down and makes my depression worse. Which I guess can sometimes be a good thing because I don’t want every Tom, Dick and Harry to know whats running through my head when I’m out in public and I don’t want to be defined by it either. I am still a human being.

On the outside and on social media I know I can come across to a lot of people as being quite outgoing and positive. But I’m clearly just a very good actress! They don’t know that inside I am thinking such self destroying thoughts as I walk past them in the streets. Thinking that they are judging me for how I look- ‘Look at the way she walks’, ‘Look how tall she is’, ‘She looks so silly’, ‘What on earth is she wearing’. I try to convince myself that this is all in my head, that im not being judged by every single person I walk past. What makes me soo special that everyone wants to look at me? Most people probably don’t even notice what im wearing or how my hair looks. I know everyone notices my height but that’s not exactly something that I can change so why don’t I just embrace it!? Much easier said than done.

If I’ve recently passed out, all of those thoughts seem so magnified. I become a lot more weary. I look in to things a lot more because I feel I need to be on the ball more with what’s going on around me. Anyone could take advantage as I’m so confused with what day it is and what I should be doing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is to not judge others from how they may look or come across on the outside. You never know what they are going through and how they may be feeling on the inside. Sometimes people think I look really angry, I’ve been told that people have been worried about approaching me when they’ve seen me in the street because I looked like I was ready to bite someones head off! I’m really not that bad, honest! If you do see me in the street then please do approach me. I may be stunned at first, it may take me a minute to realise who you are, you may have to explain who you are, or I may know exactly who you are and throw you a big cheesy grin! But either way, I’d be extremely grateful if you did approach me 😊

Some people are better than others at hiding what’s going on inside their head. But that doesn’t mean that whatever they are going through is any less important or worrying as others that are able to talk about their feelings or worries.
#Forgetfulblogger 

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The Fidget Cube Test

A couple of my work colleagues recently purchased a ‘Fidget Cube’ I’d never seen one before. They are used to relieve stress in adults and calm children with ADHD. When I first saw a Fidget Cube I immediately wondered how/if it would work for people suffering from anxiety. So, who best to try it than myself!

I purchased one from ebay, not wanting to spend too much as I couldn’t find much research for them to prove that it actually works (and I can also be a tight a*se tbh!).

It finally arrived in a small, black, zipped up case.

1st side is a smooth dip – Inspired by traditional worry stones that when rubbed tend to reduce stress and anxiety.

2nd looks like the face of a dice- It has 5 small buttons, 3 of which make a clicking sound and the other 2 are silent.

3rd is like a light switch- You can pivot the switch back and forth which also gives a small clicking sound.

4th is a joy stick- Perfect for gamers, it glides side to side, up and down, and all around.

5th has 2 different “fiddly bits”- 3 gear-like parts that roll and a small silver ball that rolls and also clicks in.

6th the spin- Similar to an old phone dial for a circular fidget.

I have put my Fidget Cube to the test many times in different circumstances

At work- I work in an office, sat at a desk all day so I do tend fidget a lot. Although my anxiety doesn’t peak too much at work anymore I do still use it when I’m walking around the building in case I bump into someone and have to actually socialise! So I just keep my Fidget Cube in my pocket and no one even knows. Unless some of them read this now lol.

Public transport– Luckily, I don’t have to use public transport very much anymore. I’ve always hated it though for many reasons. It’s dirty, rarely on time, can be very loud and it means being out in public where there’s usually lots of people. I’ve used the train twice since having my Fidget Cube and I must admit, I feel that it’s really helped. I just keep my cube in my pocket and fidget away. I sometimes just have the cube out on the table as it’s nothing to be ashamed of and if someone with high stress or anxiety levels clocks it and realises what it is, it may make them purchase and try it out.

   I hope this blog is useful for anyone suffering from stress, anxiety, ADHD or any other issues which may result in a Fidget Cube being the answer to all their fidgeting! It comes in many different colours and is also small enough to fit in your pocket or to be hidden in your hand if it’s something you don’t want others to know about.

 I would highly recommend this small but successful device😊

#ForgetfulBlogger