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First blog – The Forgetful Intro 

My name is Daniella. I am 25 years of age (apparently lol).

I suffer with what some may call “blackouts”. It starts off with a headache that becomes severely unbearable and I lose consciousness. When I come back round I tend to lose memory of the past 2 days or so. Dr’s and specialists have no idea what this is or what the reason for it may be.

This all started last year when I was at work one evening with an awful headache. I took myself out of the office, sat in the kitchen and took some painkillers. I then collapsed and was found by my colleagues who then called for an ambulance. I wasn’t taken to hospital and the medics put it down to a migraine. 

A few days after this random episode I went out for a meal with family and when I got home I passed out again. Only this time, when I came around, I had lost the past 2 years of my memory, I thought it was 2014 and was understandably very confused. I was in and out of the Dr’s and hospital for some time and ended up being kept in on a ward for a couple of nights. 

I thought it was one huge joke or TV show and everyone was in on it just messing around. I kept waiting to see a camera pop round the corner. I was convinced it was still 2014. I’d forgotten all about my new job, I forgot passwords for my online banking and social media, I had a new partner (luckily I knew her from years ago and she wasn’t a complete stranger!). I was, in a way, quite fortunate that apart from my new job there were no huge changes in my life from 2014-2016.

Numerous tests were done, hundreds of questions were asked but no answers were given and I was discharged. My notes are still getting passed from Dr to Dr. I’m still being poked and prodded by specialists. And I still have no answers. 

I have been retrained at my job thanks to the company and my employees for being so supportive. I have got used to a whole new wardrobe and style. I’ve slowly rebuilt relationships with people I had met during 2014 and 2016. And I’ve just simply adapted to “a new life”.

With my blogs I hope to help people in similar situations. Learn and share coping mechanisms. And maybe start some sort of awareness. Because although I have so many supportive people around me, I feel so lonely due to  the fact that no one can see it from my point of view. 

So please bare with me as I’ve never done a blog before but I hope you enjoy reading my journey 🙂 

Click to follow on Twitter 🐦

 

Spa Day – Whittlebury Hall

20/04/17

So, for Momma Bears birthday which was on 28th March I knew she wanted a Spa treatment so I decided to book us in to Whittlebury Hall for a ‘Mother & Daughter Pamper Sesh’

She picked me up at 8am and we drove down to Whittlebury, booked ourselves in with a very prim and proper young lady at reception with not a hair on her head out-of-place, and got our towels and robes and changed into our bikini’s. 

We were called for our first treatment at 10am which was a back, neck and shoulder massage in a double room. It was one of the most relaxing experiences I’ve ever had! The oils smelt amazing and the soft music was so soothing. It was a half hour massage but I would’ve laid there for the rest of the day tbh, I was so gutted when it was over! But both me and mum found out that we have tickly spots in the same place on our back but on opposite sides LOL. So, sadly, the massage came to an end.

We decided to take a look in the relaxation room which looked really relaxing with dimmed lights, beds and soft music but at a closer examination it wasn’t so good. The beds were basically just sun loungers and rock hard. There were pictures on the walls and magazines…. The room was almost pitch black…. And my mum made a good point – Unless the magazines are in braille there’s no point in having them in here lol! We didn’t stay in the relaxation room long before we decided to see what else we could try out. We went downstairs in to the big jacuzzi and chilled in the pool for a few minutes then went and checked out the ‘Crystal Sauna’.

I’m not a huge fan of swimming pools. I always get an awful feeling that something is on the bottom of the floor that’s going to get me but I pushed myself and lowered myself in… Not for long though! The crystal sauna was great but we could only hack it for about 10mins before we had to step out and breathe! Then I decided I’d be brave ant try the “Ice Experience”. It was basically a room with a load of ice in a dip in the wall which you rub over your body and then there was 2 showers with cold water… Really bloody cold! It’s safe to say I didn’t really enjoy it too much haha!

We then tried another type of sauna and while I was sitting there I could help but think ‘Im sat in a room full of other peoples sweat! All over the bench, the puddles on the floor… ewwww’! When we came out of there mum thought she would be brave and try the bucket shower which was a cubicle with a bucket above your head and a chain. Obviously I opted to pull the chain which resulted in mum being drenched in freezing cold water! I loved it… Her… Not so much haha!

After we had taken advantage of all the saunas and jacuzzi we went upstairs where mum read some of her book and i went on my tablet. We ordered our afternoon tea at about 13:45 which I must say I wasn’t looking forward to that much as it’s mainly sweet things and I’m more of a savoury kinda girl! But when it arrived it had cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches which I demolished and I also tried the scones which cream and jam were actually really nice! Mum ate the salmon (which stunk!) and the pudding type bits which I doubt she wasn’t gutted about getting all the sweet treats to herself! 

We got called through for our pedicure and mum wasn’t too impressed with the way hers we’re done which didn’t help the fact that she had just paid a fortune for it! The colour was wong and the woman had to restart multiple times and then she rubbed half of the polish off mums big toe and she put her flip-flop on for her! On the other side of the room though I was loving my pedicure! Apart from the part when she caught a really tickly point and I almost kicked her in the face and off her stool… How embarrassing!! 

So, all in all, it was a lush day. Very relaxing with a few giggles with my momma bear as a late birthday present for her and I will definitely be returning… Regularly!

#Forgetfulblogger

Life Lately

I’ve been struggling lately on what sort of blog posts to do. I started this as a way to raise awareness about my memory loss & blackouts so I try my best to stick to the subject in all posts which can make it difficult to blog if i haven’t blacked out much! So I thought I’d give an update on the past couple of weeks.

So, life recently has been pretty average tbh.

As you’ll know if you read one of my recent posts – ’10 Days Black Out Free’, I was on a roll with not passing out. I went something like 12 days black out free in the end which is easily a record because it was getting to a point where I was blacking out on average at least once a week so the 12 day streak of being black out free came as a surpise! I got so excited but at the same time tried not to get my hopes up too much as I knew that a black out would be just around the corner. And it was! Boo!

I worked my 10 days of early shifts and it actually went better than I thought. I was overly careful and took painkillers when I needed them instead of trying to be big boll*x and soldier on without them. I went to Thorpe Park with a group of friends and it was an amazing day. The sun was shining, I was with my other half and some great friends, we laughed til our tummies hurt and made as much noise as possible on every rollercoaster!

 

After that weekend when my partner and I came home, we were both clearly tired and I just knew that a black out was on it’s way! I passed out on the Sunday and Monday but can’t really remember them ones. And I also passed out the Tuesday. My partner went off to work as usual and because she had the car with her she thought she would come home on her break to surprise me but clearly I had my own surprise for her! She came in and found me passed out on the bed. I had completely forgotten the weekend at Thorpe Park and I was gutted. I felt really low and agitated and I was supposed to go in to work to cover a shift that day but my partner had to call and inform them that I wouldn’t be able to.

I think I’ve pretty much caught up with most of my memory now and I’ve been back to work.

I’ve also finished reading the book that was suggested to me by the last Dr I saw at the JR. It’s called ‘It’s All In Your Head’. I was very dubious about reading this book for obvious reasons. But never the less, I’ve read it. I’m still not sure what I think about it but I have learnt a few things from it. I’m not sure if I will do a review on the book exactly but I may do a blog post on some of the things that I did learn from it.

My partner and I also went to watch ‘Mrs Browns Boys’ live and if you are a fan of the programme then I would definitely suggest going to see it live! We went over to Birmingham early on the train as the sun was out so we visited a few beer gardens and sat catching some rays!

 The show started at 19:30 I spent pretty much the whole 3 hours of it laughing! I love it when they mess lines up or make each other laugh and just play off it and carry on like it was supposed to happen, it’s great, it really adds to the funny side of it. The only thing was that we forgot to check what time the last train back from Birmingham was and it’s safe to say that we were going to miss it if we wanted to stay and watch the whole show! BUT, luckily, my lil sis was also in Birmingham at a gig and my mum had driven her there and was taking her home so, once again, momma bear came to the rescue and we got a lift home!

So, all in all, I’ve had a pretty decent couple of weeks. The weather has been nice to us, I blacked out less than usual, visited friends, went to a theme park, and went to see a live show! And if you read ‘A Bucket List For April’ you will see that this means I completed a fair few things on it already! Hehe.

Thank Your for reading and I hope your last couple of weeks were as good, if not better, than mine 🙂

#Forgetfulblogger

The Liebster Award

First of all, thanks scribblecity for nominating me.

I’ve never been nominated to do anything like this before so i’m quite excited to be taking part!

If you’re nominated the rules are:

  • Post 11 facts about yourself
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers
  • Ask those bloggers 11 questions
  • Let the bloggers know that you have nominated them

Here we go…

11 Facts About Myself

I have recently done a post called 40 Facts About Me so I am going to duplicate a couple (sorry)

  1. I’m 6ft3 – Which is very tall for a female! I don’t really like it because I stick out like a sore thumb and it’s such a pain in the ar*e to find womens trousers that are long enough! I end up spending a fortune which i don’t think is fair, I didn’t ask to be this tall! Lol.
  2. I suffer from black outs and memory loss – Dr’s can’t seem to find a reason for it which is becoming extremely frustrating. I’ve lost the past 2 years of my life which I am slowly getting used to but every time I pass out I tend to lose the past couple of days although they do slowly come back over the following days. But I would really just love an explination for it.
  3. I am absolutely terrified of moths and butterflies! – I’ve found other people that are also scared of moths but they still think butterflies are pretty. HOW!? They are basically just moths with make-up on! Don’t be fooled by them! When I say I’m petrified that’s literally no exaggeration – I sweat and almost have a break down if I even see a picture of a moth or butterfly so I’m sure you can imagine what I’m like if I actually cross paths with one!
  4. I came out about being bi-sexual when I was about 18/19 – I remember I wrote a letter for my mum explainging it, I dropped it on her lap and ran back to my room quickly because I was sh*t scared of what the outcome would be! My mum is the most open minded and understanding person ever but I was still soo worried about telling her about my sexuality. She came along to my room, we had a chat and she comforted me then we made a few jokes about it lol!
  5. I am dyslexic – It’s no biggie these days, so many people are told they have dyslexia and there’s so many ways around it now that technology has moved forward. But, I wasn’t diagnosed with it at school, it wasnt picked up on until I was 16 and started college. I went through primary and secondary school just assuming I was thick and teachers assumed I just wasnt listening because I wasnt picking things up like my classmates. I remember feeling so relieved once it got picked up at college. I finally had answers and I wasnt just thick! It was such a good feeling, I was actually happy to be told I was dyslexic because that meant there was a reason for me struggling so much!
  6. I’m obsessed with crisps – Well, any carb really, but I LOVE crisps! Any flavour, any make, ANY crisps! You can keep all the chocolate and cakes as long as I get the crisps. And please don’t expect me to share my crisps because that would be like asking me for a limb! I can eat a share bag in like under 10mins and I’m not even ashamed haha!
  7. The sound of a hairdyer or hoover can help me sleep – Ok so this may sound weird to so many of you but even Wayne Rooney has his hoover on sometimes to help him sleep! I don’t go that far, what a waste of electricity, but I suppose he can afford it! I just have an app on my phone that plays out the sounds of hoovers, hairdyrers, washing machines, lawn mowers and so on. Aparently these sounds are all similar to the sound we hear in our mothers wombe which can be very relaxing for babies… I have no explination as to why it still comforts me…. Awks.
  8. I used to play Softball for Great Britain – When I was playing softball in my teens I really didn’t understand how playing for GB was such a huge accomplishment. I was so humble about it when I’d tell people and they would be like “OMG that’s soo cool!”. But now im older and can appreciate it i’m like damn, yeah, that’s a big thing! Me and my 2 best friends were like the 3 amigos. We were like joint at the hip and that didn’t change at softball either. We travelled to some great places with our GB team and we were so gutted when it got taken out of the olympics!
  9. I prefer dogs to people –  Come on… Who wouldn’t!? They don’t argue back, they are so loyal, cute, they know when something is wrong, always up for a cuddle, protect you no matter what, always happy to see you, yes you have to pick up their poop but I’ve also had a lot of human friends sh*t on me too… Just not in the same sense!
  10. I didn’t even understand what a blog was until a few months ago –  With my black outs and memory loss I can really struggle. Yes I have so much support around me from my fammily and close friends but I still feel so lonely as I am yet to find someone going through the same thing. So I want to raise awareness for my condition. The idea of a blog was suggested… I’d come across the word before but didn’t have a clue what it really was and after doing some research I thought WHY NOT! I still learn every day from other bloggers and I’m far from being a pro but I love it and I’ve taught so many people about my condition and found people that have similar problems all thanks to starting a blog!
  11. I’m an extremely strong believer in ‘Everything Happens For A Reason’. I believe that our lifes have already been written out, everything happens for a reason and we are always on the path that we should be on in life even when we are struggling… There’s a reason for it!

11 Questions I Have Been Nominated To Answer

1. What is 1 thing that has changed your life, and how/why?

My job – It’s changed my life for the better, it’s made me mature, given me a better outlook on life, given me another chance and been very supportive through what’s been happening with my health lately and made my bank healthier!

2. What 5 words best describe you?

Tall, caring, humble, anxious, forgetful..

3. What’s the scariest thing you have ever done?

Performed with BabyD in front of 50,000 people in Liverpool.

4. If you could give the younger you 1 piece of advice, what would it be?

Not everyone is going to like you or agree with you so just do you and the right people will love you.

5. What is your dream job and why?

Probably to be a DJ mainly a radio DJ on a channel like 1xtra. I love playing music that puts others in a good mood and gets them moving.

6. How do you pick yourself up on a down day?

Sometimes reading some inspirational quotes on Instagram helps. But usually chatting to my other half or mum gets my ar*e into gear!

7. What experience is at the top of your bucket list?

My life bucket list probably has ‘Own my own house’ at the top of it.

8. Who inspires you and why?

My mum. She’s such a strong, independent woman that has fought through so much in her life and come out the other end even stronger! If I can be even half the woman my mother is then I’d be happy with that.

9. What do you love the most about your friends?

They are full of banter and rarely struggle to make me smile but can also be serious when needed.

10. What made you start your blog?

I want to raise awareness for my un-named condition and maybe find others in similar situations and help and share coping mechanisms with them.

11. Which TV/film/book character do you most relate to and why?

DORY! I think it’s pretty self explanitory! Shes forgetful like me and has memory loss like me!
Thank you @scribbleincity for nominating me. I’ve had great fun writing this up! I did try not going on too much lol!

I am nominating:

Mrs_Dollie

Chloe

Lisa

Nicole Francesca

John Sennett

Kimmiee

Samantha

Discount Style Guru

Lydia Wilkins

Emma

PaleGirlRambling

Questions I Would Like You To Answer:

  1. Why did you start blogging?
  2. Who inspires you, not just in the blogging world but in life?
  3. What social media app do you find you use the most for your blogging?
  4. One thing you are most scared of in life?
  5. Do you prefer a night in with friends or a night out on the town?
  6. What topics do you blog about most and why?
  7. Do you find the blogging community supportive? 
  8. If you were an animal, what would it be and why?
  9. What is your favourite genre of music?
  10. What’s the bravest thing you’ve done in the past week or so?
  11. Do you prefer savoury or sweet treats?


#forgetfulblogger

A Bucket List For April

I’ve never done a bucket list before so thought I’d give it a go 😊 

  • Go to watch Mr’s Browns Boys live.
  • Go to Thorpe Park.
  • Spring clean the flat.
  • Go to Amsterdam.
  • Start reading a new book.
  • Make home made pizza.
  • Go for a spa day.
  • Have a date night.
  • Write 3 blog posts.
  • Have a movie night.
  • Write another poem.
  • Get the car professionally cleaned.
  • Finish writing at least one song.
  • Meet up with the bestie for a coffee.
  • Have a self pamper night.

10 Days Blackout Free!

Woohoo!

It’s now been 10 days since I’ve blacked out!

Maybe I’m cursing myself by celebrating and writing this but at this moment in time, I really don’t care! Haha.

It wasn’t long ago that my partner and mother worked out that I was passing out on average about once a week. That’s a lot of times to be losing memory! I started to become even more depressed and worried, I was calling in sick at work more, leaving the house less and so confused all the time as to what day it actually was and what I should have been doing. My repeat prescription got longer and I just had no hope in things ever becoming any better. If anything, I thought I’d just spiral further and further down into a black hole!

Last week I realised that I had agreed to work 10 early shifts in a row. That’s 10 days of waking up at 04:30! I didn’t notice until a work colleague pointed it out to me and I regretted it as soon as I saw the roster! When my partner found out, she was instantly worried. When I have less sleep and tire myself out, the chances of me blacking out get a lot higher. She made me promise that I’d try to nap after work and let my manager know if I started to feel too warn down.

I’ve napped twice, made sure I’ve prepped as much as possible in the evenings like food and my outfit for the next day, and taken painkillers as soon as I could feel my headache getting worse. I’ve even been out and socialised. I’ve been to my mums for coffee, I went out for a drink with my partner when the sun was out, and I’ve been out for food for my mums birthday. So as much as I was regretting this week, I’ve actually really enjoyed it and things have been as normal as possible – No passing out, in bed at a reasonable time and socialising as much as possible.

It’s now Friday, day 10 of 10 early shifts. I will be finishing work at about 14:00, maybe having a nap once I get home, then shower and pack ready for the weekend as my partner and I are going to our friends tonight and a group of us are going to Thorpe Park tomorrow! I’ve had a fair amount of coffee and an energy drink the past few days but I’m not half as worn down as I thought I’d be at this point!

Now, I’m quite a believer in fate and I have my fingers crossed that by being so chuffed and sharing this that I am not cursing myself ! I’ll update you as to whether I do blackout in the next few days or not but this is definitely a record so far!

#Forgetfulblogger

40 Facts About Me

My blog focuses on my memory loss and blackouts but I’d also like to give readers an insight to me as a person, not just about being the Forgetfulblogger So I’m going to keep it simple and list .. facts about me!

  1. I’m 6ft3.
  2. I’m currently 25 years of age.
  3. I have a huge obsession with crisps.
  4. I write and perform my own songs.
  5. My mum was going to call me Danielle but thought she would switch it up a bit.
  6. I’m absolutely terrified of moths and butterflies.
  7. I’m dyslexic.
  8. Half Jamaican.
  9. I have a freckle on the palm of my left hand.
  10. I like dogs more than I like people.
  11. I have anxiety.
  12. I used to be left-handed.
  13. I played softball for Great Britain when I was a teenager.
  14. I heave at the thought of eating cauliflower cheese.
  15. My Nan was my best friend before she passed away.
  16. I’m bisexual.
  17. I met the love of my life at 17years of age.
  18. I prefer coffee to tea.
  19. I’ve performed alongside some huge artists including BabyD (Let me be your fantasy).
  20. I sleep in boys boxers.
  21. I have a slight fear of cats.
  22. I was born in Birmingham.
  23. Burger King is my fave fast food.
  24. I’d rather chill at home than go on a night out.
  25. I wish I was a DJ.
  26. I have a bloody huge forehead!
  27. The sound of a hairdryer and hoover help me sleep.
  28. I become close to a nervous break down if I see people with odd socks on.
  29. I like everything to be even and perfectly lined up.
  30. I can’t swim.
  31. I rarely have my back out on show as it’s covered in scars and marks.
  32. Born in a hospital which has now been knocked down.
  33. I prefer summer to winter.
  34. I’d rather sit in silence than ask for help.
  35. I never even knew what a blog was until a few months ago.
  36. I hate my natural hair.
  37. I’ve had many counselling sessions before.
  38. I can be extreeeemely lazy.
  39. I can drive but don’t have a full licence.
  40. I had to check online for some ideas to fill this blog LOL.

Mindset- The Book Review

I’ve recently finished reading this extremely interesting book by Dr Carol S. Dweck. Until about a year ago I’d never read a full book in my life. I’m dyslexic and it wasnt picked up on until my college days so I went through primary and secondary school believing that I was thick because I wasnt getting the extra help and support that I needed to succeed through school. So I gave up, ‘what’s the point in trying, im obviously just dumb’. But clearly something has just clicked over the years-  I want to learn. I want to try. I want to have an open mindset and over the past year or so I’ve read about 3 or 4 full books which is a huge personal achievement. I enjoy reading these types of books about mindset, psychology and how the brain works. This book was a gift from my partner and it was a great choice!

This book is all about how we approach tasks in our every day lives. Dr Dweck has scientifically proven that with the right mindset we can achieve anything we put our minds to. It’s all about whether you have a fixed or growth mindset. This particular book focuses on parents, teachers, CEO’s and athletes. How they can succeed and achieve a lot more by adopting a growth mindset and how so many CEO’s and athletes have failed in what they do best simply by having a fixed mindset.

At the end of each chapter there is a small section that is a bit like a conclusion called Grow Your Mindset. This section is basically asking you to attempt to try what has been discussed in the chapter you have just read which I’d highly recommend trying and not just skipping past (I’ve been known to do this in another book before). What i also like about this book is that Dr Dweck gives a lot of real examples as she writes about different situations to help you visualise exactly what was happening during her interviews and experiments.

Even if you’re not usually into reading about psychology I can safely say that you will be interested in this book. It will help you to open your eyes and realise why you do things the way you do. You’ll begin to have an understanding of the impact that growth and fixed mindsets have on your every day life and performance.

This book made me smile as I read it, as I began to understand my mindset a little bit more. We all have a bit of both mindsets (growth and fixed) but we also tend to lean-to one side when we are put under pressure or want to work on our performance whether that be at work, school or on a sports pitch.

Dr Dweck has definitely opened my eyes to my mindset and I would recommend this book not only to teachers, students or people who are interested in psychology but also anyone that feels they may have a fixed mindset that needs to have a little bit of growth!

#Forgetfulblogger